Profile
I'm Malia and this is my awesome hilarious journal. I'm short and stuff. I like to sing and write. This is probably my millionth journal. I am in love with Pete. So yeah...this is it I guess.
LoVeLy
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Credits
Thursday, February 03, 2005
This is my last entry on this blog...I moved back to my xanga...
http://www.xanga.com/krookid_silence
So this is it...Later
*~*Malia*~*
Sunday, January 30, 2005
+your name: Malia
+ your gender: a she
+ age: 17
+ height: 4'11''and a quarter
+ hair color: brownish red
+ eye color: bloo
+ your location: Sou-bidge
SECTiON2 [HAVEYOUEVER ]
+ fallen off the bed? ya
+ fallen for a relative? no.
+ had plastic surgery? no.
+ broke someone`s heart? god, I hope so
+ had your heart broken? heh...
+ had a dream come true? yes
+ done something you regret? yes
+ cheated on a test? haha yeah
+ broken a body part? nope.
SECTiON3 [CURRENTLY]
+ wearing – a huge t-shirt and huge pants...ahh so comfy
+ listening to – the ding of my ims
+ chewing - nothing
+ feeling - bored, and tired
+ reading – this
+ chatting with – adam
+ watching – nothing, but i was watching golden girls
+ should REALLY be – asleep
Favorite TV Channel: hmmm....probably fox
Favorite Cartoon: spongebob
Favorite Book: all the harry potters
Favorite Room in your House: my room
Favorite Place to go to for a Vacation: joanie's house on the cape
Favorite Country: U.S
Favorite Smiley: the tongue one
Favorite Thing in Your Room: the thing on my ceiling and my vanity
Favorite Word/Phrase to Say: seksi beast/love ya like a beast
Favorite Person to Talk to: Johnny and Tasha
Favorite Person to Tell Your Problems to: Jimmy, Tasha, Liam
Favorite Person to Hate: haha...uhh yeah ((no comment))
Favorite Friend(s): the graphics bitches and i used to love the guys at bill's
Favorite Pants: my brown ones
Favorite Shoes: my new clogs
Favorite Socks: my black fuzzy ones
Favorite Flower: rose
Favorite Thing about yourself: my feet
Favorite Time of the Day: night
Favorite Feeling: happiness/love
Favorite Emotion: laughing
Favorite Game: grand theft auto III
Favorite Thing to do when You're Bored: write, sleep
Favorite Thing to do when You're Mad: bitch, write
Favorite Thing all together: Being wit johnny
][ what time is it?: 10:53 am
][ what is the date?: o1.30.05
][ why are you fillinq this out?: tired and decided what to do with johnny
- favorites.
][ number: 15, 12,805
][ color: blue
][ season: summer and autumn
][ holiday: my birthday
][ month: july and october
][ day of the week: saturday
][ qrade so far: beginning of my sophomore year
][ class: ms. cotes drama class with tasha
][ teacher so far: D, Mr Mac, and Mr Savage
][ drink: water, coke
][ food: im going on a calzone spree
][ fruit: rasberry
][ veggie: cauliflower
][ tv show: spongebob, the o.c., golden girls, and more
][ radio station: 94.5, 93.7
][ cd: green day-international superhits, greenday-american idiot, starting line-say it like you mean it, deftones-white pony, and more
][ animal: turtle
][ clothinq store: Marshalls, TJ Maxx
][ ice cream flavor: strawberry, and chocolate and vanilla..im pretty basic
][ breakfast food: sausage!!! and french toast
][ way to have fun: singing, hanging out with friends, dancing
- this or that.
][ me/you: me
][ aol/aim: aim
][ cd/cassette: cd
][ dvd/vcr: dvd
][ radio/cd: either
][ jeans/khakis: jeans
][ jacket/coat: jackets a wayy cooler word
][ leather/pleather: leather, i have no idea what pleather is haha
][ sparkles/bronze: sparkles
][ sexy/hot: seksi baby
][ car/truck: car
][ corvette/camero: camero
][ stronq/weak: strong
][ upset/pissed: pissed
][ tall/short: short
][ lunch/dinner: dinner
][ abercrombie/hollister: neither
][ qap/old navy: old navy
][ nsync/bsb: ugh, you had to go there
][ britney/xtina: you had to go there too, didn't ya?
][ love/lust: love
][ inside/outside: winter-inside summer-outside
][ lipstick/lipqloss: lip gloss
][ silver/qold: gold
][ peircinqs/tattoos: both
][ football/basketball: football baby
][ thunder/liqhtning: both...it's seksi
][ this/that: this
- past.
][ if you could take back one thinq you did, what would it be and why?: heh....umm...the past 2 years
][ do you have any reqrets?: yes
][ last thinq you said: thank you, bye
][ last sonq you heard: uhh something on my way home last night
][ last person you talked to on the phone: pete
- present.
][ what are you doinq riqht now?: blowing my nose constantly, filling this thing out, texting johnny, and smoking a cigarette
][ what cd is in your cd player?: our lady peace
][ are you cold?:not really...a little
][ how are you sittinq?: cross legged on a chair
][ is there music on?: naw
][ where are your parents?: dad-who cares, mom-out n about
- future.
][ are you qoinq to qet married?: maybe, i'm debating
][ are you qoinq to have children?: debating that too
][ if yes, how many?: prolly 3
][ what will you name them?: Anthony Michael, Evelyn Elizabeth, and Faith Marie
][ do you wanna qo to colleqe?: yeah
][ which colleqe?: quinsig and worceser state
- others.
][ write in cursive or print?: I used both mixed
][ riqhty, lefty, ambidexterous?: righty
][ what do you think of rainbows?: gay
][ do you have any tattoos?: not yet
][ if not, do you want any, and where?: dragon on the back of my neck and a leprechaun on my hip
][ what do you think of eminem?: hott and good lyrics
][ what do you think of britney and justin?: ummm...shut up, im sick of shit poppy shit
][ if you could live anywhere else, where would you live?: cali or italy
][ do you drive?: yep
][ like milk and cookies?: not really
][ ever worn black nail polish?: i think so
][ what color nail polish do you have on?: this ugly purple...the guy fucked up
][ if you could have a 6th sense, what would it be?: read peoples minds or be telepathic
][ do you do thinqs even when your parents say no?: haha yeah
][ ever taken anythinq from a hotel?: i dont think so...i think i accidently took the tip envelope once thats about it haha
][ did you talk to you crush/bf/qf today?: well this morning at like 12, if that counts
][ do you think this is stupidly lonq?: yeah
][ did you like it?: umm no
][ why/why not?: its like weird but for some reason, i'm still doing it
- finish.
][ what is the time?: 11:14 am
][ what is the date?: o1.30.o5
][ why did you just do this?: i have no life and i'm waiting for johnny to call
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I'M SORRY
I'm sorry I'm not thin.
I'm sorry that my eyes aren't a little bit bluer.
Or my teeth a little whiter.
I'm sorry I'm not blonde.
I'm sorry I'm not tall
and I don't wear mini skirts and tube tops.
I'm sorry I'm not as sweet as chocolate
And I don't smile all the time.
I'm sorry I don't have an award winning smile
Or locks of curly hair flowing down my back.
I'm sorry I don't love everyone
And sometimes I do hurt.
I'm sorry I'm so stubborn.
I'm sorry I lie
And cheat.
I'm sorry I smoke and drink.
I'm sorry for what I've been through
For feeling low
And gross.
I'm sorry I'm loud
And annoying.
I'm sorry I don't sing as good
Or dance as good.
I'm sorry I don't act as good
Or kiss as good
Or love as good.
I'm sorry I don't have a nice body
With a nice ass
And a nice rack.
I'm sorry I don't talk as much
Or joke as much.
I'm sorry for being mean
And hitting you.
I'm sorry for hurting everyone
And isolating myself.
I'm sorry for the attitude.
I'm sorry that I'm short
And fatter than most.
I'm sorry that I flirt.
I'm sorry that I cry.
I'm sorry that I don't have a nice laugh
Or have nice legs
And a nice stomach.
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect for you.
I'm sorry for thinking I was.
I'm sorry that my hair isn't a little fuller
And my cheeks aren't a little redder
And my nose isn't a little cuter.
I'm sorry that my lips aren't bigger
And my hands are so small.
I'm sorry for not having nice hips
And nice ears
With nice earrings.
I'm sorry that my bellybutton isn't pierced
And I don't wear bikinis.
I'm sorry that I don't shop all the time
And I don't try to make myself look good all the time.
I'm sorry I don't like soap operas and junk food.
I'm sorry I get jealous.
I'm sorry I'm not like Carmen Electra or Alyssa Milano.
I'm sorry I'm not in music videos
Or a model.
I'm sorry my rooms a little messy
And my grades aren't that good.
I'm sorry that I'm not a little smarter
And my car isn't nicer.
I'm sorry for yelling
And getting mad sometimes.
I'm sorry for not having nicer clothes
Or shoes
Or make up.
I'm sorry I'm broke
And live in a low-income apartment complex.
I'm sorry I have depression
And a slight anger problem.
I'm sorry for being slutty.
I'm sorry for being lazy
And tired.
I'm sorry for my fears
And paranoias.
I'm sorry for being self concious
With low self-esteem.
I'm sorry if I try too hard
Or act a little weird.
I'm sorry if I don't try hard enough.
I'm sorry if I don't want to be touched.
I'm sorry if I don't want to be with you
Or him.
I'm sorry I'm not everything you want
And I do have a little baggage that comes with me.
I'm sorry if you pity me.
I'm sorry if you think about me
Or do something for me.
I'm sorry if I make you mad
Or upset.
I'm sorry if I'm not always there.
I'm sorry that I'm not always here.
I'm sorry that I don't feel like hanging out
And I lose motivation sometimes.
I'm sorry that I talk about you
And I brag sometimes.
I'm sorry that I can't cook
Or clean
Or draw
Or match.
I'm just sorry I can't...
I'm sorry I can't be molded
And I keep barriers up.
I'm sorry I can't trust people
Even if it is "just you."
I'm sorry I can't pretend
To be something I'm not.
I'm sorry I don't call
Or come up.
I'm sorry I get defensive.
I'm sorry I can't do the job as well as you.
I'm sorry I can't get anything done.
I'm sorry I'm a hyprocrit
And I procrastinate.
I'm just sorry I can't be everything that I'm not...everything you want me to be....I'm sorry that I can't try to be something that I can never be...Stop and think about who you are...Maybe it's you trying to be something you may never become...Because I know I am nothing less than everything...
*~*Malia*~*
Thursday, December 16, 2004
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Malia
2. Mia
3. M-Dawg
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. xch3rryxpi3x
2. MissAdorable567
3. Angel1231
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Eyes
2. feet
3.ummm hair
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. the fat
2. my attituce
3. the fact that i never know when to shut up
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. irish
2. italian
3. mexican
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being rejected
2. puking
3. fear itself
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. clothes
2. a clip
3. chapstick
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. huge hoodie
2. underwear (my cute black lacey ones)
3. socks
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. the starting line
2. green day
3. dashboard confessional
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1.drama summer-the starting line
2. boulevard of broken dreams-green day
3. vindicated-dashboard confessional
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1.being on my own
2. lots of sex
3. skinny dipping with a bunch of people (Im such a slut haha)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Someone to hold me
2. trust
3. someone who will love me for who i am
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. lie-i'm a man
2. truth-im depressed
3. truth-i'm more self-concious and insecure than you think i am
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE GENDER(S) YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. sense of humor
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. draw
2. be nice
3. care
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. helping people i love
2. singing
3. writing
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. eat something
2. have sex
3. get wicked drunk
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. singer
2. writer
3. psychologist
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. cancun
2. bahamas
3. tuscani italy
THREE KID'S NAMES
1. Anthony Michael
2. Faith
3. Evelyn
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. live in a house on a hill overlooking a lake
2. become famous
3. be one rich bitch
Thursday, December 09, 2004
You know, sometimes I wish I was a lot prettier...heh...sometimes...? I mean every waking second. The thing is (and I can finally admit it) is that I put myself in these situations...making myself feel low. For instance...asking Pete if the girl he talked to in his Physics class was hot...and when he smirks, looks down, and says she was alright...then I know she was a Charlene. I have to stop doing that. I really need to just lift myself up. And I don't want to be like all girls with the "I'm so fat and ugly." I keep it all inside. Every emotion is just bottled up. I need an escape, like a vacation from everyone. I mean, I've been isolating myself enough as it is. I force myself to go everywhere, even school. It shouldn't be this way. I'm so self-concious. My self-esteem level is dropping lower and lower every day. And Pete doesn't help me much. He always puts me down in front of the guys. Like tonight, he just had to bring up stuff in front of Davis, that he shouldn't even be thinking about around other people! I mean, yeah I told him to say it, but I didn't know that it was going to embarrass me that much! It drives me nuts. That's what I like about Bill and Davis, they don't judge me and they are always upfront with me and make me feel good no matter what, and I know they're not just saying it to make me feel good...they say what's really up. Pete compliments me because he feels he has to. I can just tell. I just need time to think, I guess
Well, enough bitching
*~*Malia*~*
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Well, things are officially fixed with Bill and I. It feels awesome. Though, there's still that burn to just talk to him about every possible feeling I might have. But I won't. Well, at least not until Pete cools down about the whole thing.
Yeah, about Pete...ugh. You know, I've been depressed lately. I've just been really down-in-the-dumps and you know...sex is the farthest thing from my mind when I'm feeling like this. Sunday night, something strange happened. For once, I was actually somewhat scared of Pete. I don't even know how to explain it. He was in "the mood" and I totally wasn't. I kept telling him that and I kept telling him to stop and he wouldn't! I got so freaked out! I mean, No means NO! Damn. I've really been considering our relationship lately. He's just been so strange. Like he won't quit doing things that he knows irritates me. I need to have a serious talk with him because some of these things that are going on will not fly with me if we really plan on being together. Now...just how to tell him... And it's not that I'm scared to talk to him about it, it's just the fact that he'll go "ugh hun, you know I was kidding!" and the thing is, I know he was, it just gets REALLY OLD REALLY QUICK! The first 600 times it was a little funny. Now it's just annoying and irritating. I came up with a decision that he is one of the main reasons I've been feeling the way I have. I mean, when we were on that break, I felt great. Besides having all that beef with Bill. But besides that, I had guys complimenting me left and right and I had guys throwing numbers at me. It made me feel good. They said things to me that Pete should say. He really makes me feel like total utter shit sometimes! I need to tell him.
Bruce and I have been planning on working on my song. I can't wait. It's going to be so awesome. The other night, the best lyrics came to me and I wrote them down. Ugh they were awesome! I can't wait to just sing them!
So yeah, I'm supposed to be cleaning right now. So maybe I should stop procrastinating and actually do it!
*~*Malia*~*
Friday, November 26, 2004
Sorry it's kind of corny, but I've had a severe writers block lately for some reason
not a day goes by
that i don't feel bad,
it's on my mind
all the fun we had.
you were a good friend
always made me smile
but it came to an end,
was it all worth while?
i am stung from your words,
engulfed in pain,
please help this hurt
take me out of this rain.
I love you as I did
a dear friend of mine
why does one silly mistake
stop the hands of time?
a silly mistake it was to you
it meant a lot to me,
im sorry for what i put you through
i love you truthfully.
take my words and hold them tight
for tomorrows coming soon
just remember that simple night
underneath the moon...
where you kissed me so gently,
and complimented my beauty.
the best kiss i ever had
i dont regret it totally
but i fear inside
that you were right
and it was never supposed to be
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Well, a lot has happened since the last time I posted. But I'm way too lazy to mention all of it. All's I have to say is, I miss Bill. I miss having a friend like that and being able to escape reality and go to Bill's house and have a good time. I miss his friendship and our talks. I miss being able to see everyone else because they were all always at Bill's house. It makes me mad that Pete is still going up there, and I'm not. I know I sound like I'm 12, but it's true. I have been so lonely and that is why...I have nowhere to go anymore. It makes me so upset! Going to Bill's house use to be like my therapy. Everyone would compliment me and flirt and everything. It was so laid back and just...fun. Now I feel so hated and ugly. I feel so fat. I really just feel like curling up in a ball and dying. I'm so depressed. Plus, Pete hasn't been saying anything really nice to me lately. I mean, don't get me wrong, we had a great day today but...the past few days he's been making me feel like total shit! Whenever we're around people, he puts me down. And the other night when him and Tasha were here, all he said was "I think you guys should make out!" It's like, yeah, thanks a lot, now my self esteem level is digging itself a grave. What...am I that boring? Am I really that bad of a girlfriend that he NEEDS to watch me make out with another girl? I mean, wasn't making out with his best friend enough?!!!???! I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel better. It's obvious that my boyfriend won't make things better...so who will? He complimented me today about how nice my shirt was, but I feel like it's only because I told him how he's been making me feel.
So, I don't know...I'm talking to Bruce. So I'll update laterrr.
*~*Malia*~*
Friday, October 29, 2004
Lots of events have been happening lately. Besides the fact that I went to school 2.5 days this week and am failing everything...Pete and I are back together. Come to find out, I'm a "sketch ass" <~~~exact words from someone in which I thought I might have meant something to. Now I got to try to fix things with Bill. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Bill's house was my escape. I had so much fun just hanging out with the guys. Davis said Bill will come around and apologize. But this thing with Justin is really hurting me.
Out of all people to walk back into my life...Jake's back. I guess he was in jail for 8 months. He's like stalking me now! He was at my work right at 9:30 and he was here today at 11. I mean, c'mon!
I went to work last night and I have to go in for 4 today. It sucks...
Well, maybe I'll write when I get home because I'm on the phone with Tasha, so I forgot what I was going to write...
*~*Malia*~*
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Well, no I'm not over it. Lots of events lately...a few being, the show in Monson, calling out of work and hanging out with Davis and Tasha, dying my hair red, and late night trips that turned into something that I am not too happy with. Something happened today. I know who I love. I know who I sincerely love. What happened this past evening was so unexplainable...well it's very explainable, but to many people it isn't much. But it's something I've wanted to do, and I did. And I loved it. So yeah, I'm tired considering I'm working on 3 hours of sleep total for the past 24 hours. I'll explain more later.
*~*Malia*~*